I love reading the more creative spam. Some of it’s absolutely hilarious. A long time ago, when UseNet was more active, I used to take part in a NewsGroup dedicated to making fun of spam, and spammers. We put together some truly funny stuff.
My favorite wasn’t actually spam – a researcher who was doing a sociological study on love and sex made the mistake of posting a questionnaire to EVERY alt.sex NewsGroup, including ALT.SEX.CTHULHU. Several of us answered it, taking the roles of Cthulhu, Yog-Sothoth (my contribution), and other entities who’s main interest in humans was as a dietary supplement. I wonder to this day what she thought when she saw those responses!
So today I get an email from the FBI…
It’s telling me that I’m trying to make an illegal money transfer from Nigeria to my account at Bank of America. Curiously I don’t have, and never have had an account at Bank of America. Even more curiously the letter writer has only marginal grammar skills. I’m quite certain that the FBI, in particular the FBI Director could do better than this.
Even with all of the inconsistencies people still fall for scams like this. With the marginal cost of sending an email being almost zero, the spammers/scammers can afford to take the shotgun approach. While I don’t have an account at Bank of America (and as far as I know, Bank of America doesn’t even have branches in Canada where I live), lots of people do.
So why should the spammers/scammers care if 99.9% of the people they send this to do not fit their target audience? It would cost them more to carefully target the emails, and probably not increase their success rate.
Still it makes a rather hilarious read. And yes, Google’s spam algorithm caught it.
Monday January 24, 2011
***** Spam Email *****
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
This is an official advice from the FBI foreign remittance/telegraphic dept. it has come to our notice that bank of Nigeria has released us$10m of your payment into Account of BANK OF AMERICA in your name as the beneficiary, The bank Nigeria knowing fully well that they do not have enough facilities to effect this payment from Nigeria to your account, Their used what we know as a “secret diplomatic transit payment” (S.T.D.P) to pay this fund through wire transfer, but this means of transfer can not reflect to your account as this was wrong method of transfer.
The already transferred funds, which was made in secret transfer so that they can do final crediting to your account but it can not work. Secret diplomatic payments are not made unless the funds are related to terrorist activities why must your payment be made in secret transfer, if your transaction is legitimate, if you are not a terrorist, then why did you not receive the money directly into your account, This is a pure coded means of payment, Records which we have had with this method of payment in the past has always been related to terrorist acts, we do not want you to get into trouble as soon as these funds reflect in your account, so it is our duty as a world wide commission to correct this little problem before this fund will be credited into your personal account.
Due to the increased difficulty and unnecessary scrutiny F.B.I crime commission has (STOPPED THE TRANSFER)on its way to deliver to your account and pay you through a secured diplomatic transit account (S.D.T.A). We govern and oversee funds Transfer for the World Bank and the rest of the world. We advice you contact us immediately, as the funds have been stopped and are being held in our custody, until you can be able to provide us with a DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER(dist) within 3 days from the world local bank that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are not antiterrorist/drug free or we shall have cause to cross and impound the transfer, we shall release the funds immediately we receive this legal documents mentioned.
We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involve, we want to make sure is a clean and legal money you are about to receive. Be informed that the fund are now in your name , but right now we have ask the bank not to release the fund to anybody that comes to them unless we ask them to do so, because we have to carry out our investigations first before releasing the fund to you.
Note that the fund is in BANK OF AMERICA right now, but we have ask them not to credit the fund to you yet, because we need a solid proof and verifications from you before releasing the funds.
So to this regards you are to re-assure and proof to us that what you are about to receive is a clean money by sending to us FBI Identification Record and also Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to satisfy to us that the money you are about to receive is legitimate and real money. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you dont have it in your possession, do let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding your funds to go ahead Crediting your account immediately.
This Documents are to be issued to you from the World Local Bank that Authorized the transfer, so get back to us immediately if you dont have the document so that we will inform you the particular place to obtain the document because we have come to realize that the fund was Authorized by the bank that initialized the transfer Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) often referred to as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of certain information taken from fingerprint submissions retained by the FBI in connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment,naturalization, or military service. These conditions is Valid only for few days after we shall take actions on canceling the payment and then charge you for illegally moving funds out of Nigeria.
60fCredit payment instruction: irrevocable credit guarantee
61eBeneficiary has full power when validation is cleared
62 Beneficiaries bank in Usa/outside. can only release funds-
62 Upon confirmation from the world bank/united nations.
64 Bearers must clear bank protocol and validation request
NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date records possible for the enhancement of public safety welfare and security of Society while recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us, we will charge you with the FBI and take our proper action against you for not proofing to us the legitimate of the fund you are about to receive.
The United States Department of Justice Order 556-73 establishes rules and regulations for the subject of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review. The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal activities in U.S and outside. An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification record for personal review or to challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a foreign country or receive funds from another country (i.e.,Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer, letter of good conduct, criminal history background,etc.)
WARNING: failure to produce the above requirement in the next72 hours, legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you, if found guilty, you will be jailed. As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracking down and prosecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act. FORWARD THE DOCUMENT TO US VIA EMAIL ATTACHEMENT AS SOON AS YOU OBTAIN IT.
Robert S. Mueller, III