Why J. J. Abrams is a Total Idiot

J. J. Abrams courtesy Wikepedia

J. J. Abrams courtesy Wikipedia

J. J. Abrams is an idiot, and he’s ruining the Star Trek franchise. Strong words? Yes, but true.

Star Trek was the first successful Science Fiction television show. Star Trek was a success for several reasons:

  1. Solid background
  2. Good characters
  3. Excellent plots (well, sometimes)

Gene Roddenbury got some things wrong. David Gerrold covered several of these in his book The World of Star Trek. While I don’t agree with all of his conclusions (you don’t take children on a warship), the book is well worth reading, and several of his suggestions were adopted (including taking children on a warship).

The original Star Trek has been in constant syndication since it was taken out of production, and along with Doctor Who is one of the most culturally significant television shows ever produced.

Star Trek spawned further television series.

  1. Star Trek: The Animated Series
  2. Star Trek: The Next Generation
  3. Deep Space Nine
  4. Star Trek Voyageur
  5. Star Trek: Enterprise

This happened over a 40 year time span, and included ten movies. There is also a successful book line, a wide range of fan made television episodes and movies, a thriving fan fiction community, and Science Fiction Conventions devoted to Star Trek.

I’m intimately familiar with Star Trek. I watched it when it first aired, attended my first Star Trek convention in 1976, played Star Fleet Battles, the starship combat board game, wrote Trek Fan Fiction, and even watched the first two seasons of Star Trek: The Degeneration (no disrespect meant to the actors, but when Roddenbury was pushed out, the show lost its spark).

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 1

Simple. Setting. From Wikipedia:

But according to The Making of Star Trek “the Enterprise-class starships have been in existence for about forty years” at the time of the original series. The ship’s components were built at the Starfleet Division of the San Francisco Navy Yards and assembled in orbit.

Assembled in orbit. Now why do you think that they’d do that? Simple. The ship is not designed for atmospheric operations. To quote the Memory Alpha Wiki:

Though not an aerodynamic craft, in emergencies, Constitution-class vessels were able to break orbit and enter a Class M planet‘s upper atmosphere (and maintain altitude control while passing through it) for a limited period of time, conditional on the ship’s ability to re-achieve escape velocity. (TOS: “Tomorrow is Yesterday“)

Components came from the Navy Yards, not the entire ship. Most of the ship was probably assembled from materials mined in the asteroids. Why boost materials to orbit, when you don’t have to? Build the hi-tech components on Earth, build the low-tech structural materials in space, where you probably have a less capable infrastructure, and a smaller workforce.

This also reduces the need to mine Earth for materials. For some metals it may be necessary to mine one hundred tons of ore to produce one ton of finished metal. The Enterprise NCC-1701 is supposed to weigh 799,400 metric tons. That’s a lot of ore. For comparison USS Enterprise CVN-65 weighs only 93,284 metric tons!

Memory Alpha has a list of Starfleet ships portrayed in the Star Trek movie, we can assume that it is incomplete, and that at least some ships were built on Vulcan and Andoria, but it is impressive.

USS Antares

USS Armstrong

USS Enterprise

USS Farragut

USS Hood

USS Kelvin (destroyed early in video)

USS Mayflower

USS Newton

USS Truman

USS Wolcott

It is extremely unlikely that they mined the ores for these ships from the asteroid belt, and landed them at Earth side shipyards. It would be the equivalent of dropping a couple hundred Dinosaur Killers on the planet every year. Yes, I know, they’d use tractor beams to control the drop. Would you want to take the chance of a terrorist gaining control of the system, and dropping the load on a city instead? Only a moron would do that. And of course, accidents do happen. Remember Fukushima? How about Chernobyl?

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 2

But it gets worse.

In the old series episode The Doomsday Machine, we learn that an Impulse Engine overload will cause a fusion explosion of 97 megatons. The largest fusion explosion ever generated by the human race was the Russian Tsar Bomba Fusion Bomb test at 100 megatons.

Do you really want to be building something that could cause an explosion that large anywhere close to an inhabited area? You do? Are you insane?

Abrams has the new Enterprise being built in Riverside Iowa in the 23rd Century. I’ve been in 21st Century Iowa. Yes, it’s not that crowded compared to California or New York State, with only 3,000,000 statewide population, but set off a 97 megaton explosion, and you’ll have a lot of casualties. A lot of casualties. If you think 23rd Century terrorists wouldn’t drool over the change to target Starship building sites, I have a bridge I’d like to sell you…

Build the ship in space, you can control access to it, and an explosion is far less likely to kill millions of people. Only a moron would build something like that on a planetary surface.

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 3

We haven’t even touched on the worst part yet, the warp drive. The warp drive is powered by a matter-antimatter reaction. Antimatter has this nasty issue. It reacts with matter releasing energy. Total conversion to energy. It makes a fusion reaction look like a safety match.

Small amounts of antimatter aren’t bad. Really small amounts. Amounts too small to do any damage. Amounts too small to see and measure without sensitive laboratory instruments.

The amount needed to power a starship on the other hand is too dangerous to have on a planetary surface, at least if you want the planet to remain habitable. I personally think that this is a damned good idea, especially since we currently have no where to move to!

All it takes is one terrorist who is willing to die, and we have a new ocean basin where Riverside Iowa used to be.

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 4

This doesn’t even get into things like the Phaser Banks. In the episode Balance of Terror one crew member died from poisoning, after a leak occurred in the Phaser banks. There are probably other substances onboard a starship which aren’t safe for humans. Go out to your automobile, and try to drink motor oil, automatic transmission oil, differential oil, windshield washer antifreeze, or engine coolant antifreeze. Make sure you have an ambulance handy. You’ll need it.

Then there’s the power costs. We don’t know that they built the Enterprise using welding, but we know that however they built it, there was almost certainly an exothermic reaction involved. Unless they used rivets. Which is extremely costly, and wouldn’t seal worth a damn, which is why riveted construction has been abandoned for years.

Exothermic is a fancy way of saying that it gives off heat. The larger the project, the more heat you have to get rid of. Large construction projects in Canada often continue into the winter, because the heat given off is sufficient to melt the snow accumulation, while small projects stop.

So you have a heat issue. Heat is always an issue. The environment can soak some up, but too much can cause problems for indigenous species. Of course it can also extend agricultural growing seasons. Is this good? Ask the animals it displaces, they’ll give a different answer than the farmers will.

Only a moron damages a planet which holds a large proportion of your population. In the movie we are told that only 10,000 Vulcans escape the destruction of the planet, which means that the Vulcans don’t have a lot of colonies. Does Earth? So far, we’ve seen little evidence of that, and no evidence of L5 or asteroid belt colonies.

Only a moron destroys your planetary egg basket.

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 5

A starship classifies as a very large project. Compare it to the CN Tower, which has a total weight of 116,136 metric tons, and is incapable of movement. The Burj Khalifa is even heavier, weighing well over 165,000 metric tons. The Canton Tower is a lightweight, at a mere 100,000 metric tons! None of them move, unlike CVN-65 or NCC-1701.

Admittedly these were built with 20th Century and 21st Century technologies, but it gives  some background. Each was an enormous project, taking hundreds, if not thousands of workers. Not one of them was as complex as a starship, nor did any of them have any of the super dangerous features that a starship has. The CN Tower is mainly structural materials, no warp or impulse engines. It can’t be made to blow up. Nor can it have an accident on lift-off, possibly taking out the shipyard that it is being built at.

A starship can.

Then there’s all the other pollution. The 23rd Century may have retired MIG and TIG welding by that time. Maybe. They are damned efficient. But they pollute. Plasma and laser cutting are also very efficient. But those processes pollute too.

Possibly they’ll build structural panels out of a single crystal. Unfortunately building large single crystals under gravitational conditions isn’t possible. You have to build them in space, in zero gee. Then there’s that nasty problem of getting them down from orbit. Lose a package during re-entry, and blam!

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 6

They resized the Enterprise. Seriously. The ship in the original series was 304 meters long, and weighed 790,400 metric tons.

Somehow the new ship became 725.5 meters long. There are ways to estimate ship weights, but I’m not an expert, so I’m going to cheat.

Name Number Length M. Width M. Height M. Weight KT.
Enterprise NX-01 230.00 135.80 34.30 555000
Enterprise NCC-1701 early 285.90 125.60 71.50 790400
Enterprise NCC-1701 Kirk 286.70 125.70 70.90 812200
Enterprise NCC-1701 refit 304.80 141.70 71.30 917000
Enterprise A NCC-1701A 304.80 141.70 71.30 923000
Enterprise B NCC-1701B 469.00 186.39 86.70 2350000
Enterprise C NCC-1701C 526.00 319.30 120.10 3710000
Enterprise D NCC-1701D 642.51 463.72 137.50 4500000
Enterprise E NCC-1701E 674.40 240.00 82.50 3250000
Abrams Enterprise NCC-1701 725.35 ? ? ?

Nothing like a spreadsheet. The Special Effects crew claimed that when they tried to render the ship, that they ran into issues with the shuttles, which meant that the ship had to be larger.

You buy a rendering package, or download one of the increasingly powerful and popular Free Software ones, and odds are one of the things you’ll try to render is the Enterprise. The ship is an icon. Millions of fans have rendered images of the Enterprise. Some of those fans went on to produce high-quality fan films.

Guess what folks. The ‘professional’ special effects people think you are all idiots, because none of you resized the Enterprise years ago. It was only the ‘professionals’ who realized that the shuttle bay scale was off. Oh dear, that means that these ‘professionals’ are also insulting all the professionals who worked on the earlier television shows and movies…

Gotta lotta Gaul?

The closest ship to size is the Enterprise D. Remember everything I said above about the difficulties of building a 790,400 metric ton starship on a planetary surface. It just got way worse. Instead you’re going to be building something that weighs a minimum of 4,500,000 metric tons, and may actually come in closer to 5,000,000 metric tons. The NCC-1701D was a heavily built ship compared to the NCC-1701, so maybe it is only 4,750,000 metric tons.

I wouldn’t want it falling on my foot. Or my city.

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 7

Did you know that Gene Roddenbury co-authored a book about Star Trek, in which he covers the history of how the show came to be made, and a lot of the design decisions? It’s out of print now, but used copies are still available on Amazon. With Stephen E. Whitfield as co-author, Roddenbury covered all the stuff you’d need to know to make a new Star Trek series. Anyone with brains would read it.

Oh, right. We are dealing with Abrams. He didn’t read it. That was obvious to me when I saw the first trailer, while I was standing in an Apple store. I told my wife then that I wasn’t going to bother seeing it in the theaters, that the movie was a disaster.

Because I recognized the scene. It’s the same ship building scene you see in the amazingly funny Finnish Babylon 5/Star Trek parody Star Wreck VI: In the Pirkinning. Watch the trailer, it’s a laugh. Then order the DVD, it’s a must for your collection. Yes, it’s in Finnish, with English sub-titles. Believe me, five minutes in you won’t even notice they’re speaking Finnish, because you’ll be rolling on the floor laughing.

The problem is that the ship building scene in Star Wreck VI made sense. They had a landed Vulgar spaceship they could strip for materials, and use to build a P-Fleet starship design that Commander Info (the Commander Data analogue) had in his memory banks. Since they were Earth-bound, they had to built it on Earth, and the one they built, was relatively small. Later construction was depicted as taking place in space.

Get Star Wreck VI, watch the Star Wreck VI ship construction scenes, then watch and compare the Star Trek movie construction scenes. They are very, very similar. Not identical. They couldn’t be. They are building different ships. But the likeness are striking.

It isn’t hard to put two plus two together. Maybe I’m getting fifteen, and the answer really is that Abrams was enough of a moron to come up with the idea of building a starship on a planetary surface.

Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 8

What started this rant was actually the release of the recent trailer. If I thought Abrams was stupid before, well, I think he’s even stupider now. Near the end of the trailer we have a starship, which I’m guessing is the Enterprise, doing an uncontrolled re-entry and crashing on a city.

Problem is, that isn’t what an uncontrolled re-entry looks like. We’ve already seen one in the third movie, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.

Or how about a video of a real life bad re-entry? This one is horrifying, terrifying, and it made me cry to watch it. But it did make one huge point.

No where in the new trailer do we see debris coming off the hull of the crashing ship. This is an impossibility. Unless the ship is made of Neutronium, or is a General Products Puppeteer designed hull, there will be debris. When debris breaks off, the airstream will be perturbed, causing further damage at the site of break off, which in turn causes further damage, and often causes course changes as the aerodynamics are altered by material losses.

The Space Shuttles used an ablative tile shield. The problems that Columbia suffered on re-entry were caused by damage to that shield that occurred at launch, and the break up started when the damaged ablative tiles broke down, admitting plasma into the shuttle wing.

The starship shown performing the uncontrolled re-entry doesn’t carry an ablative heat shield. On entering atmosphere, the outer hull will begin to heat, and when parts reach a point where their structure starts to break down, they fail. The ship wouldn’t fail all at once, but would leave a large debris stream over a long distance, as components with different failure temperatures reached their heat limits at different times, based on when the components outboard of them failed. The ship could have been coming in at a near vertical angle. While that is possible, the rotation of the earth makes it very unlikely.

So the starship crash scene as filmed COULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. It is scientifically impossible.

Note that I didn’t cover the use of shields. There was no indication that the shields were in operation on that ship. There was no indication that there was anyone in control on that ship.

For a further reference about problems with atmospheric transits in a starship see The Naked Time and Tomorrow is Yesterday.

Why Isn’t Abrams an Idiot

I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. For that matter I expect less than 5% of commenters to actually read all 2500 words of my explanation. Reading, to many, is a lost art. Engaging their mouth before their brains, they are excellent at.

So tell me where I’m wrong. Specifically PROVE TO ME I’M WRONG. Give me citations, showing me that I’ve got numbers wrong, that I’ve overestimated the dangers, that it would be cheaper and safer to do it on Earth.

But I want numbers. If you say ‘Because’ I’ll ignore you. I got enough of that from my kids when they were little.

Regards

Wayne Borean

Friday March 29, 2013

PS: I know I may have just made myself the least popular Star Trek fan in existence. As I said above, prove me wrong. Facts and Figures. Or admit that I’m right. Roddenbury made heavy use of scientists to make sure that Star Trek was scientifically accurate, and it has held up fairly well technically because of that. Why can’t Abrams do the same thing?

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9 Responses to Why J. J. Abrams is a Total Idiot

  1. Bob Guest says:

    Interesting for sure.

    I think J.J.Abrams is an idiot too… but not for the same reasons you use.

    But I’ll get to that in a minute.

    Regarding your problem with the uncontrolled re-entry… There is actually nothing in the trailer that says it actually was an uncontrolled re-entry. Just because something happened that forced (admittedly, beyond their control) the re-entry of the ship, doesn’t mean it remained uncontrolled.

    The “Star Trek: Generations” movie is a good example of this. (And it’s pre-Abrams!) Although many systems were damaged and unresponsive, the crew was able to maintain a certain amount of control. Enough to at least keep the nose up and reduce impact and injury to the remaining crew.

    Of course, even the “Search For Spock” clip doesn’t show the same degree of breakup and debris that the Columbia footage does, it is still successful in presenting the point that the Enterprise is lost.

    When it finally comes down to the actual release of the movie, we`re bound to discover that whatever happens makes good sense on the part of “good storytelling”. From what we’ve seen from just that small clip, the circumstances seem to have more in common with the “Generations” event than the “Search For Spock” event… but we’ll have to wait until May to find out for sure.

    For for my reason why I thin J.J.Abrams is an idiot… and this came from his first venture into the Star Trek universe:

    He does not know how to follow Star Trek canon.

    He took a time travel story and caused the timeline to be altered… and he did nothing to fix it. Instead, he used it to change the rules… so the old canon can be thrown completely out the window.

    What real fans want to see in this type of treatment (and we’ve fought against recasting the original crew for years) is a look into the development of the Star Trek we grew up with and came to love. Instead, Abrams hijacked our characters and story and created a completely different univers that is completely alien to Gene Roddenberry’s original dream.

    For that, I am sure J.J.Abrams is an idiot. It just pains me to know he has also managed to get his hands on Star Wars as well.

  2. wantgoodstartrekback says:

    Thanks, been a long time but someone had to say it.

  3. AgingTechguy says:

    ;-) I think we can safely say that J.J.Abrams is making a movie for “Generation Twitch”. For them story is secondary to action. Explosions are more important than dialog and science is a pain to deal with. Movies are just live action screen captures of a video game.

    But, as I understand it, Gene Roddenberry did not like most of the Star Trek movies either. he thought they they were to ‘military’.

    On the plus side I really liked William Shatner’s Gorn rematch. Which would not have been possible with out Abrams and this movie. Check it out on you tube.

  4. XFaCE says:

    I think Abrams is an idiot for hiring hack writers, Yes, two of the writers involved in Star Trek XI (and “Into Darkness”) are the same two writers involved in Transformers 1 and 2. What do we get as a result? A new Star Trek movie (XI) flooded with bad writing, including an simplistic and yet inconsistent plot, mediocre dialog, and defiance of logic (Kirk gets promoted straight to Captain from Cadet. Shit, great command structure there). So of course, bring these writers back for a sequel!

  5. Pingback: Statisitics | Through the Looking Glass – link

  6. sherry says:

    JJ had him still has plenty to learn about the Star Trek universe I think we can give him a chance to learn it first
    he will give I will give points for some of the things he already has done he will himself in the dark of Star Trek
    and many others who can follow… Give them a year or two and he’ll probably mold his way in,,, and if we still don’t like him in the long run we can always get somebody else,,,, that’s why he’s going to Walt Disney to see what else he can learn,,, Walt Disney has a lot of good point,,,, on how they do their show,,, and they’ve done many in the past,,,, and people have come and gone since then,,, considering all the bad points that I just read,,,

  7. Diego Masana says:

    Why is Abrams an Idiot- Part 2 shouldn’t be a reason because:

    a) 21st Century problems may not exist in the 23rd Century. When watching the shown it seemed that humanity no longer wages war on itself, ergo no terrorists.
    b) building something in space does not guarantee any safety. An explosion of that magnitude could cause electrical damage to airplanes, and debris could also be launched towards highly populated areas. The US and Russia tested atomic bombs in Space, that was an interesting reading for me, just Google “Exploding H-Bombs In Space”.

    Also, I thank J.J. Abbrams for making his Star Trek, since it prompt me to go watch the original series and after watching “The Cage” I fell in love with it.

    Spock on!

    • Wayne Borean aka The Mad Hatter says:

      Umm…

      a) What about the Klingons and other powers? All they had to do was get one agent on the planet with a rocket launcher. It is too easy to hide among the population on Earth. In space distance itself is protection. Sorry, that doesn’t hold up.

      b) depends on where the facility is located. An explosion at L5 would have no effect on Earth. Sure, bits and pieces might be blown our way, but the odds of a piece actually hitting from that distance are really low. I’m not a mathematician, but I’d guess something along the lines of 0.00001% at most. That assume that you don’t have tractor tugs in orbit to handle debris, out of control ships, etc.

      There were some excellent episodes in the Original Series. My favorites include ‘A Balance of Terror’, ‘The Doomsday Machine’, ‘The Trouble with Tribbles’, and ‘Mud’s Women’, and ‘The Naked Time’.

      Wayne

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